please share your feelings this is so very important
I tell myself for the 13th millionth time I log in to brown dating apps
Each with its own benefits and problematics
Whether it’s dil mil
More so lately ishqr
The latter seems to be more politically and intellectually focused in the sense that June Jordan quotes lines the title page along side audre lordes khalil Gibran and many amazing workers thinkers and philosophers
I’ve wanted to meet someone who is intellectually minded or inclined
Someone who I can learn from and be challenged by and someone who is nice to me, loves me like family and a lover
Are these lots of demands ? Should I even bother asking ?? In life must we always settle —
This post is out of annoyance and yes dissapointment. Of always intiating and starting dialogue I am not an AnokAh an extremely unique individual that is soo hard to match up with
Online romance is shit
No one is really looking for a strong relationship over the Internet More so no one Is willing to invest in the same fashion mainly because investment means so many different things to users
Perhaps my definition of investment is radically different from what I use others hold
Perhaps I give over too much responsibility of my emotions to digital devices that follow algorhythms rather than my own intuitions
One thing I remind myself that I am fine the way that I am – the system of online dating backfires on it self. There’s are too many plugs with no outlets – it’s animal desires married to technology gone haywire. Those connections are artificial to begin with.. But Then why is it easy to get invested in them?
It must be that I give too much credit to the intangible – call me a tech-dystopian mystic – digital connections in any possible way are fascinating to me because they transcend time and space just as disconnections are fascinating to me because they represent the extreme polarity of the experience. Once you were here now you are gone. The digital is an illustration of the extremely normalized conditions of irony. An irony that is centered in a network of two steps away from tragedy or another from bliss enshrouded in a network of sheer unpredictability. These devices enable us to while if we chose to be open to random occurrences allows to regulate and develop habits and rhythms that users abide by.
I’m also witting this because someone I’ve been messaging once a day for more than a week has suddenly stopped talking to me and I don’t know if they will reply at all.
If they ghost me I will be sad. Its only been a day perhaps they are busy.
Im worried because I like talking to them.
Even with technology an absence remains an absence. There are no easy salves for it.
It will be easy to digitally heal – delete all messages.
Emotionally I will be plagued by hurt. Ok I can use this in productive ways but it will not feel the same for a week or so.
It seems childish and naive but my digital self is very much tied to my physical self I enhance myself virtually but it’s still me performing self on the Internet.
Only time will tell.